So worth the wait…

Elijah has been home with us for 17 days.  Each of them better than the last.  I have to confess, I planned for these first few months to be hellacious.  A toddler trying to get used to us, Barrett trying to get used to a brother, combined with the neglect and delays Elijah was facing…I was just nervous for what was to come.  Very prepared, knowing that it would all be worth it, but nervous nonetheless.

It simply hasn’t been the nightmare I expected.  In fact it’s been one of the most amazing things I’ve ever experienced.  Elijah literally learns HUGE things every day.  When he came home, baths, brushing his teeth, and being told “no” led to epic, 30 minute long scream-fests complete with thrashing, arching his back and head butting his mother in the face.  (And that kids got a noggin:).  While they were exhausting, it only happened a couple of times a day, and these fits seemed perfectly appropriate considering all that he’s been through.  I expected it to take several months for them to subside.  But instead they get shorter every day.  His frustration can be assuaged much quicker.  Barrett stealing his toy used to cause 15 minutes of tears and hurt feelings, now it just usually takes 60 seconds.  He played in the bath tub a few nights ago.  I had to make him get out!  These are the small things.  But to me they are some of the most beautiful acts I’ve ever witnessed.

Today was my favorite.  Since Eli’s been home we’ve been to the park and playgrounds often.  For the most part he wants to find a quiet spot, stare at the ground and jump up and down.  We’ve been trying to get him to engage with the play equipment: show him how to spin the wheel, go down the slide, or walk across the shaky bridge.  He sometimes humors us for a minute before returning to his solitude of jumping.  And sometime he HATES it, and you would think the slide was a form of child torture. Again, this is all 100% okay with us…baby steps.  But over the last few days it’s gotten a bit better.

Then today, I was talking to another mom at the playground, I thought the Elijah was just wandering around neaby until he landed at the bottom of the slide grinning ear to ear.  He had crawled through the doorway, climbed up the slide and slid down all of his own.  Elijah was playing, and loved it!  It was all I could do to hold back tears.  Elijah is growing and thriving, and the most beloved little person I could imagine.

To be given Elijah and Barrett is more than any person could ask for.  I feel like the luckiest mom on the planet.  Now, mind you, last Friday when they were both melting down at the same time for half the afternoon, and I’m holding them both while they swat at me and each other, I didn’t feel so warm and fuzzy.  But I did eventually laugh at the whole thing and knew for certain that I wouldn’t change it for anything.  These boys are all ours, and we are all theirs, temper tantrums and all.

I’ve been told a lot lately how lucky Elijah is to have us.  And that we’re so amazing for choosing to adopt a toddler who’s had such difficult past.  And I’ve been quick to say that we’re the lucky ones.  That we needed him.  Often I think that anyone would do the same thing.

However, that isn’t entirely true.  Not everyone would do this, and there was some sacrifice in choosing to adopt Elijah.  He IS lucky to have us, and there were some significant risks on our part.  Now that he’s home, we are completely in love, and do feel like the lucky ones.  But when we made the decision, I am convinced that we made it only because of Jesus.

Here’s what I mean..The greatest thing in my life is the hope and peace and joy that come for knowing that the creator of the universe loves me unconditionally, and I have the opportunity to love him right back.  Throughout our struggles with infertility, miscarriages, my sister’s horrendous illness, and Dustin’s father’s tragic death I have seen how unbelievably faithful God is.  He did not always sweep in and rescue us from our pain.  Sometimes our circumstances felt unbearable, but again and again we experienced the still small voice reminding us that we are loved, we are OKAY, we are not alone.  That yes, the circumstances are jacked up, but God was and is there to carry us through.

It is through our Heavenly Father’s love and support that our hearts are open to love right back.  It’s because or a relationship with God that we at least try (often unsuccessfully) to listen to that tiny voice that prompts towards what is good and pure and true and holy.  And I believe whole-heartedly that is only because of God’s tremendous love for us that we have been equipped to love Elijah even before we met him.  We loved him when we saw his picture and heard his description. We couldn’t help but love him.

I also believe that it was God that created this desire in our hearts for Elijah.  26 days ago, we were ONLY planning to adopt a newborn, but then we received a phone call, and in a matter of 2 hours we both KNEW that we wanted to parent this sweet boy.  Whoever this Elijah was, we wanted to be his mom and dad.  We just wouldn’t have made such a dramatic change on our own.  I know it was that tiny voice speaking straight to our hearts.  It makes me so grateful to have a loving God that has brought out family together.  He has brought unbelievable beauty from the ashes of loss and heartache.  We are so grateful and so in love with our Savior, and with these unbelievably precious boys.

This chapter of our story is closing with a little family in love.  I’m sure there are a LOT of tantrum’s ahead, as well as, an immeasurable number of times that I will have absolutely no idea what I’m doing as a mom.  But I know that our hope is in Christ, and He is enough.  He will continue to see us through these good times just as He did in the difficult ones.  I hope that you find great hope in Him, too.

The waiting is over…we’ll mostly.

Last weekend we met sweet Elijah, that’s his name, Elijah:).   The next day Barrett met him, too.  We knew it would be a long journey for him to feel like our family is home.  And we knew that he had a long way to go until he would become the thriving 2 year old that we know he can be, but we have been estatic about little Elijah becoming a Crider!  The plan was for him to come home at 10 am Friday morning. (Yesterday).

But then, (there’s always a “but then”) I received a phone call from the agency on Thursday afternoon.  Elijah’s birthmom had a health crisis.  We are still unsure of what happened or what the cause was.  She was VERY ill, and being hospitalized.  We didn’t have many details, but we did know that any major crisis can cause a person to rethink things..  We worried about his birthmom, and of course selfishly we worried about how this would affect our adopting Elijah. 

(I realize I’m being vauge.  We have more details than I’m sharing, but this is the world wide web afterall, and we’d prefer not to have any identifying information for Elijah’s birthmom or his family on the internet!)

Within hours of being notified of her health status, Elijah’s birthmom’s family called the agency and was very clear that they never supported the adoption, and now they planned to do everything possible to ensure that this adoption didn’t happen.  They wanted him home.  (Eventhough 8 days eariler no one was willing to step up and take care of him…)

Technically, the family has no rights in all of this, but with his birthmom in the hospital unable to speak for herself…things felt very up in the air.  In fact the agency’s lawyer wanted us to wait at LEAST one week to move forward.  The lawyer wanted everything to work itself out before we took Elijah from his foster family (they were amazing) and transistion him home.  Let her recover, let the family simmer down, and see where everything lands.

My heart sank.  Of course Dustin the forever optimist knew it would all be fine.  But I was so worried for Elijah.  Obviously, I was conerened for myself, my family, my own hopes and dreams in all of this.  But I was very sad for Elijah.  I know how much he’s been missing out on.  I just didn’t want him to have to go back to that.  So we just waited.

But just 5 hours later, we had great news.  The family had called the agency back and they had decided to 100% support the adoption plan.  They knew it was her wishes and no matter what happens with her health, the wanted to honor those wishes.  Addiitonally, his birthmom is stable and recovering.  She still hasn’t been available to talk to the agency, but is on the road to recovery!

With her health improving and no more blatant resistance from family members, it was all a go for us to pick up Elijah yesterday!!!!!  As of now, we have legal custody of Elijah Kane Crider!  He’s been home for 36 hours, and it has been wonderful.  The transition has been better than we could have asked for!

Elijah has been generally happy, he seems to like us, and feel comfotable here.  He’s been eating, sleeping, and snuggling well!  He and Barrett started engaging by last night.  They are playing a little bit, and mostly making each other laugh.  Barrett has been MUCH less jealous than we expected.  In fact he has been in a great mood, and seems to love having a buddy.

We know that this is just the very, very beginning.  So we will continue to pray for the boys to adjust well and for lots of healing to come!  There are also a few far-fetched scenarios that would put the finalization of the adopiton in jeopardy.  Once the adoption is finalized there is NOTHING that can sepearate us from Elijah legally.  But that will happen in about 5 months.  In the meantime there are these crazy, unlikely scenarios that have me concerned.  Dustin, again the optimist, thinks that there is nothing to worry about.  And he’s probably right.  But if you want to know what to pray for, you can pray that finalization comes quickly and goes smoothly, and for Elijah’s brave birthmother to make a full recovery and for her to restart a full life after this terribly difficult season.

Thanks for walking with us!!  We are so, so grateful for your love and support.  Elijah can’t wait to meet you!  He is a beautiful, amazing boy!  Our lives are already better for having him in our family!  It is clear once again that our Savior brings amazing, unbelivable, life-changing redemption…for Elijah and for us. 

 

But Thursday

Another sweet boy!!

When I finished writing on Thursday, we talked to the agency here in Georgia again.  She presented us with a little boy just months younger than Barrett.  His mom has been unable to take care of him since he was born, and just finally realized that there was no way that either of them could keep going the way they were.  So she called the agency to place him for adoption.

The agency initially matched him with a single mom in another state.  But things were shakey with the adoptive mom.  The agency just had a feeling that she was about to back out.  That’s when the called to see if we were interested.

As she’s explaining the situation, my first reaction was, “Dustin is not going to go for this.”  my second “Why would we adopt a baby Barrett’s age?”  But as she’s talking I just felt intrigued.  So I call Dustin.  He was super interested.  We thought of more questions and called her back.  Within an hour, we knew that we were very open to adopting this toddler.  (Who would have thought?!)  However, the first adoptive mom may not back out.  So again…we just wait.

By Thursday evening, 10 hours after the agency called, things had indeed fallen through with the adoptive mom, and the agency asked if we’d like to meet him!!  So Friday, we did just that.

He’s beautiful, and sweet, and gentle.  He’s faced significant neglect, and it’s reflected in his behavior and response to others.  He’s never played outside, had a toy, or really even had anyone talk to him.  But we LOVE him.

Saturday, we took Barrett to meet him.  They didn’t play much because this new sweet boy has never been with other children, and Barrett is pretty self consumed with his two year old self:).  But they were kind to each other, and there were no major meltdowns which was a win in our book!!

After Saturday we were hooked.  We knew that we wanted him to come home with us!!!

However there is one final obstacle.  In the state of Georgia a birthmom has 10 days to change her mind about an adoption.  So we are waiting for the last half of those 10 days.  Once they pass, he can come home with us!!  However at any point if she decides that this was a mistake the whole thing goes away.

We REALLY don’t believe that him being with his birthmother is best.  Watching the neglect he’s faced and the delays he’s experiencing because of that, it became clear that he is really missing out…

We hope, hope, hope that he comes home with us on Friday.  But ultimately we want is what is best for this sweet little boy and our sweet little Barrett.  God knows what that is, so we are going to trust him with it.

Thanks for checking!  Stay tuned…

 

 

Now we remember…

We forgot.

When we think back on our adoption experience with Barrett, we think about how overcome with joy we were to meet him.  We think about how stunning the mountains were in Salt Lake when he arrived, and how blissful it was to take Barrett on walks at the park that first perfect week of his little life.

Of course, we remember it was a roller coaster to get there.  But the end result was so, so worth it, that we forgot about all the stress.

I haven’t written in a few weeks because there was nothing to write.  No calls from agencies, no situations to present on, nothing.  Then last Wednesday we had the chance to submit our profile to a birthmom in UT.  Her little boy is due May 15.  However she was looking for a family with no children.  We figured she wouldn’t choose us, and a couple of days later we found out she didn’t.  It was great news for another adoptive family out there, and we know we’ll meet our baby one day soon.  No harm, no foul.

Then this Tuesday we received a call from the same agency with news of a baby due the NEXT day!!  We quickly agreed to submit our profile, and then we waited.  If she chose us we would need to get on a plane to Salt Lake asap.  We researched flights and places to stay, then we waited

We waited all night.  No phone call.  We waited all the next morning.  No phone call.  Finally at 1:30pm yesterday I contacted the agency and discovered the birthmom had an emergency c-section and hadn’t had a chance to look over the families’ profiles.  She had a healthy little girl and was in recovery.  No problem.  We just waited.  But, no phone call.  Finally at 6pm last night we found out that this birthmom also picked another family.  Again, we are pleased that parents get the joy of meeting their daughter for the first time.  We know that our turn will come…

But all of this, “you may have to fly to UT in the next 12 hours” is STRESSFUL.  It can be tough to just sit around and wait on a situation, but it is much tougher to wait around when you may or may not have a new baby the next day!

I’ve decided this is the adoptive parents labor and delivery.  So, so difficult.  So, so exhausting.  But in the end, a baby pops up in your arms, and you no longer care what it took to get you there.  You begin to forget how difficult it was, and you agree to do it all over again.

So here we are, doing again.  In fact we are waiting on details for yet a third situation.  Stay tuned.  In the meantime we’ll just be waiting.

The Crider’s are at it again…

Well since we last posted, we have been raising the most amazing little boy!! Barrett is a sweet, giggly, music-loving, football-obsessed child. (He’s been brainwashed by his father to love the Dawgs:) Barrett is such an easy, fun child. We consider ourselves incredibly lucky parents.

Adopting and raising our son is the best thing we have ever done. Thank you for all the prayers thoughts and support as we were going through the roller coaster of adoption.

We so excited that we are getting on board the coaster once again!! Since the beginning of January we have been collecting documentation, filling out paperwork, and getting background check after background check. We are now legally eligible to adopt a newborn baby anywhere in the United States of America. We are thrilled.

We submitted our paperwork along with a scrapbook about our lives called a profile. I attached a page at the bottom so you can see what it’s like. We’re using a highly recommended agency in Utah. (Not the one we used for Barrett.) And as of today we are officially approved to be one of their clients!!

We are excited to have a boy or girl, and are open to a baby of any race. We hope that we will be bringing home Baby in the next 6 months, but it could be much, much sooner! So we will keep you posted!

Thanks for checking. The waiting begins again…

Here’s the profile pages…Crider Adoption Bookpdf – Page 009
Crider Adoption Bookpdf – Page 010

Now we are just waiting to go home…

Oh my goodness, this kid is amazing. I mean, I know that every mom and dad feel that way. But he really is the most incredible little person in the entire world.

We’ve been so lucky to have such an easy baby. He sleeps and eats well. Dustin is such a natural as a dad. For a man who had not changed a diaper before last Wednesday, he is pro! We have to take turns holding Barrett, because neither one of us want to let him go.

Today I have been thinking about the many moms who in the last year have let me love their babies, told me their fears, and coached me on what to do with a little one when they are so small. So to Sarah E, Natalie, Sarah W, Nicole, Megan, Kristen, Dana, Katie, Lauren, Melissa, Lindsey, Emily, Heather, and I’m sure a few I’m forgetting…Barrett would like to thank you. He has had a calm, patient, mildly knowledgeable mother, because of what you and your little one have taught me. I’m so grateful for the tremendous support system that we have as a family.

This afternoon we needed to get out of the house. So we walked around the most beautiful park I have ever seen.

It was lovely. We truly feel blessed beyond anything we deserve.

Hope to see you very soon!!

Baby Barrett is “home”!

Ok, so it’s really just the house we are renting in Utah. But he’s out of the hospital, and it is great to have him all to ourselves.

We hung out with him at the hospital all morning, and he was discharged this afternoon around 2pm. It’s been fun and relaxing. We love just having him with us. There is something so comfortable about having him around. We just love him!!

I will say that today he has pooped on me, Dustin and himself, peed on everything, spit up plenty. He’s needed 5 wardrobe changes due to his many messes…but somehow that just makes him cuter!

We are about to begin our first round of middle of night feedings. So wish us luck. Thanks for all your sweet comments and support. We look forward to bringing him home to meet you all. There is paperwork that has to be processed before we can head out…we’ll keep you posted.